


To Be You

by SwedishGirl



Category: Westlife
Genre: Bodyswap, Friendship/Love, Gay, Height Differences, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 12:15:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13076679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwedishGirl/pseuds/SwedishGirl
Summary: It’s Christmas time and Mark and Nicky talk about what it would be like to swap bodies for a day. When they wake up the next morning, they’re in for a surprise…





	To Be You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Westlife Merry Kinkmas Ficfest. My theme was "body swap".

It was one week before Christmas and the Westlife lads were supposed to take part in some Christmas thing in the big mall in Dublin. Sing two songs to a backing track, have a nice little chat to the host, wave at the crowd and then be off again. It was a nice little thing to do that didn't require too much of an effort. Especially not from Nicky and Mark whose Dublin home was just a 20-minute drive from the mall.

The night before the event, Nicky and Mark were lying in bed, talking:

"-Excited about tomorrow? I mean, we don't have gigs in your hometown every day." Mark said.  
"-Yeah, it's gonna be fun." Nicky said.  
"-Are you nervous?"  
"-I don't get nervous, you know that. I don't sing the lead anyway. I just have to stand there and look sexy, that's my thing." Nicky smirked.

"-You are sexy, alright. But your harmony is important too." Mark said.  
"-Not as important as yours."  
"-But you have several skills. I only have one. I can sing, but that's about it."  
"-What are you talking about? You have loads of qualities besides singing!"  
"-But none which can be used on stage."  
"-You're fine. You know the fans adore you."

Nicky reached out to touch Mark’s face gently.

"-Yeah, but sometimes I wish I could be more like you, you know. More spontaneous and more...confident."  
"-Why can't you be?"  
"-Because I'm just not. I don't have that confidence. It would be different if I looked like you, I guess."  
"-What do you mean?"  
"-Well, you know. You're so fit and sexy and you know exactly how to behave on stage to make the most out of it. I just can't do that. I just feel too big and too slow and I feel uncomfortable when doing certain dance routines and I could never be sexy. Never."  
"-You ARE sexy. You are the sexiest person I know."  
"-Get outta here."  
"-It's true!”

Mark let out a deep breath and Nicky studied his face at close range.

“-Okay, you think you would be able to behave differently if you looked like me?" Nicky said.  
"-Yes. Definitely."  
"-That's interesting. I've always thought I could kill to have your voice. So maybe we should just swap bodies for a day to see what it's like?"  
"-Yeah, that would be something, wouldn't it?"  
"-We can always wish for a Christmas miracle. Close your eyes and make the wish. C'mon."

They both closed their eyes for a moment. Then Nicky kissed Mark before turning his back on him. This was their usual go-to-sleep-position. Nicky curling up and Mark embracing him from behind. Nicky loved to feel Mark’s larger frame pressed to his back and Mark’s strong arm wrapping around his waist. It made him feel protected and loved.

* * *

Mark woke up first, which was odd. Nicky was the morning person and Mark usually didn't wake up until Nicky dragged him out of bed. He could feel Nicky spooning him from behind, an arm wrapped surprisingly tight around his waist. Mark didn't think further of it, he closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

That's when he heard Nicky behind him.

"-Oh, holy fuck. Mark, please tell me you've had your hair bleached while I was asleep..."

Nicky's voice sounded deeper and more raspy than usual, he must've caught a serious cold during the night.

"-What are you talking about...?" Mark mumbled.

Mark turned around to embrace Nicky, still keeping his eyes closed. He wasn't a morning person and he wanted to go back to sleep for a while and was quite annoyed by the fact that he felt oddly alert already.

"-Oh. My. God." he heard Nicky say.  
"-What..." Mark mumbled, nuzzling into Nicky’s chest, surprised by the amount of chest hair.  
"-Mark. The thing we...wished...last night..."  
"-What thing...?"  
"-The body swap thing..."  
"-What about it..."  
"-Well... Look at me..."

Mark looked up and was met by big blue eyes, dark hair, dark stubble... His own god damn face... He scooted backwards and starred at the man in front of him.

"-Don't freak out..."  
"-How am I supposed to not freak out? Jesus!! This can't be happening!"

He jumped out of bed and went to stand in front of the mirror. Nicky. He was Nicky. He touched his own chest tentatively. Then he ran his fingers through his hair. Then he looked down. Oh. He was Nicky everywhere. This was quite interesting.

"-I don't... I mean... How..." he said.  
"-It's alright." Nicky said, coming to stand behind him in front of the mirror.  
"-It's not alright. At all. How are we supposed to be able to work today? I can't be you all day! This is ridiculous!"  
"-It's fine. It's still us. Just in the wrong bodies. No one will notice."

Mark let out a deep frustrated breath.

"-But I mean... We are gonna perform, we are gonna sing songs, we are gonna do stuff today. For god’s sake. This is gonna be totally fucked up."  
"-It will be fun. Totally. I'm gonna have a blast being you all day."  
"-You're gonna embarrass me, aren't you..."  
"-Totally. And I get to sing the lead!!! YES!!"  
"-Oh fuck. Seriously?!"  
"-Of course."  
"-But I mean, how does this work, can you sing just like me now?"  
"-I guess?"

Nicky started to sing O Holy Night and it was flawless. He looked shocked and stunned and delighted all at once. 

"-YES! I'm a good singer. A great singer!"  
"-You'll have to focus, though. Can't jump around doing other stuff. You gotta stand still and put some effort in."  
"-Oh, that is so cute. You're really worried that I will screw this up, aren't you?"  
"-A little, yeah..." Mark said and let out a deep breath.

Nicky patted his back and said:

"-Don't worry, honey. Away you go. Shower. Now!"  
"-I showered last night. I hate morning showers."  
"-No you don't. You're me now. You love morning showers. You love mornings."

Mark went to shower while Nicky remained in front of the mirror. He was stunned by how he looked. This was so exciting. He had always wished he was tall and powerfully built and now he was. It was great. He loved every inch of Mark's gorgeous body and now he got to try it out for himself. He lifted his arms and flexed his muscles. Oh my god, he'd never realized Mark was this strong. He stroked over his chest and felt the chest hair under his fingers. He turned around and admired his amazing bum with a content grin. His muscular back was also quite impressive. If Nicky had a body like this, he wouldn't hide it. He wouldn't cover it up in too much clothes. He would stand tall, be proud and to be honest - probably show off to some extent. He would probably be quite annoying, actually.

Nicky's stepped closer to the mirror. He really liked the stubble. He felt it with his fingers and studied it at close range. It was an impressive stubble. His hair was also impressive. It was shiny and dark and there were lots of it. He ran his hands through it and then he decided to ruffle it a bit, tried to make a side parting, decided against it and let some hair fall into his forehead.

Mark stepped out of the bathroom.

"-Hey. Don't mess with my hair!" he yelled. "-And put some clothes on, will ya. I would never go around naked like that."  
"-I intend to spend the entire evening naked."  
"-No, you don't."  
"-So, did you enjoy showering my body? You didn't play with yourself, did you?" Nicky teased.  
"-Just a bit..." Mark grinned.  
"-You did use conditioner after washing my hair, right?"  
"-No..."  
"-You didn't!? Oh my god, you are gonna treat my body as crap all day aren't you. You're not smoking in my body, do you hear? And you don't eat anything that is not healthy."  
"-What?? I have to eat, Nicky. I can't go around all day not eating."  
"-You can eat. Broccoli. Boiled chicken. Healthy stuff."  
"-That's gross. I'm gonna eat proper food."  
"-No you're not."

Nicky stepped closer to Mark and had to look down on him, which felt very very weird. He tried to embrace him the way he used to, but that didn't feel right at all. He realized being the physically larger person was very different from being the smaller in a relationship. Suddenly he was the one that was supposed to provide the strength and the feeling of security. That was new to him.

* * *

Shane and Kian arrived at Nicky's house just before lunch. They were greeted at the door by Mark who was surprisingly upbeat and energetic. 

"-Hey guys! Was the trip alright? Are you excited about tonight? Are you hungry?" He gave them hugs that felt too hard and...just different. Mark's hugs used to be more tender. "-Um... He... Nicky...is cooking. Lunch. If you want some. Come in!"

Mark looked at them with an odd smirk before he went ahead to the kitchen. Shane looked at Kian with a raised eyebrow.

"-What was that?"  
"-Maybe he is just well shagged."  
"-Yeah, probably. If he is like that, I don't even wanna know how annoying Nicky is."  
"-Oh god..."

When Shane stepped into the kitchen, he saw Nicky standing by the stove making a chicken tikka masala. It was one of Mark's signature dishes.

"-Wow, you're letting him cook this dish, Mark? What if he ruins it with steamed spinach."

Mark looked at Shane and smiled and then he went over to Nicky and embraced him from behind and bit his ear and said:

"-I won't let him. He is my little kitchen slave today, aren't you Nicky? My little kitchen slave with the cutest bum ever. And the nicest haircut. The nicest haircut in the band, actually."

Shane looked at Kian who just shook his head and pulled a face. Nicky must have done something really special in bed this morning to make Mark this happy. It was bordering on weird.

The four of them sat down at the kitchen table to eat. Shane had expected Nicky to be more upbeat, he was pretty quiet and was really focused on eating, which was also weird. He ate much more than usual, drinking Fanta instead of water.

Mark, on the other hand was babbling away like a madman and didn't eat much at all. Shane was beginning to wonder if he was on something. He knew Mark was just as scared of drugs as he was, and he knew he'd never take them. But with regards to his behavior now, he couldn't stop wondering if maybe Mark had had something slipped into his drink or something last night.

"-So, did you guys go out yesterday? Partying?" Shane asked.  
"-Nope. Stayed right here. Had a nice little dinner, just the two of us. It was gorgeous, I tell you. And the rest of the evening was gorgeous too. Nicky was the most gorgeous." Mark said and ruffled Nicky's hair. Nicky just smiled. Shane thought he could see a hint of embarrassment in Nicky’s smile.

This was so weird. What was wrong with them?

* * *

An hour or two later they were standing in a small temporary dressing room, probably a canteen, in the middle of the mall in Dublin. It had been a very odd afternoon and Shane was almost glad it would soon be over. Mark had behaved so strangely and been so talkative and energetic that Shane had thought it was almost uncomfortable. It was great that Mark seemed so happy, but it was just so out of character for him to be so cheerful. Shane dismissed Kian’s theory about Mark being nervous. When Mark got nervous he would go all quiet, not behave like a lunatic.

They heard the host announce them over the speakers and Shane was preparing to step out onto the stage when Mark walked past him and stepped out first. Mark NEVER stepped out first, so it was no wonder Shane was a bit taken aback. And it didn't stop there. Mark waved to the audience and then he screamed "HELLO DUBLIIIIN!" and the crowd screamed back. He also went to stand next to the host, answering questions using too many words. Shane could see Kian looking at Mark with the same confusion that Shane felt. Mark had always been a bit shy and quiet, but had gotten less and less shy and more and more comfortable with standing on stage. But this was ridiculous. There must be an explanation to this sudden over-night change. Shane started to think maybe Nicky and Mark had gotten engaged or something. But he couldn't spot any rings on their fingers. And if something like that was the reason for Mark's sudden happiness, why wasn't Nicky equally happy?

Queen Of My Heart was the first song. Kian started out with the first verse. When Nicky came in, he seemed a bit uncertain. Shane could have sworn he sang "We both have our brie, we both want to fly." He could see Mark flinch, but the crowd didn't seem to have noticed.

When Mark sang his verse, he didn't stand as still as he used to. And when he came in with the ad libs towards the end, he really didn't hold back. He beamed afterwards. Shane was beginning to wonder if Mark was drunk or if he had taken drugs on purpose after all. And more importantly - why was Nicky not equally happy? Why was Nicky all quiet and almost blasé. This was so weird. It was as if Nicky and Mark had changed personalities with one another. Maybe this was some kind of strange bet? Shane didn't have time to think more about it, because next up was "World Of Our Own". 

Shane started it out and Mark was supposed to come in just before the chorus. The routine was that Mark stood still singing his part while the other three did the choreography and then in the chorus all four of them were dancing. Shane expected today to be different, and it was. Mark took his microphone from his mic stand and sang his part, doing the choreography while singing. Nicky suddenly seemed uncertain of the routine and had to glance at Kian all the time.

As this gig was only a small part of a big Christmas thing going on downtown Dublin, they were finished after two songs. The host joined them on stage and once again, Mark took the lead and answered his questions before calling out "THANK YOU DUBLIN, SEE YOU SOOOOON!!" 

They all went back stage and Shane approached Mark and asked him:

"-Are you alright?"  
"-Yeah, why?"  
"-You seem so...I don't know...upbeat?"  
"-Oh...yeah...I am. Woke up this morning in a very good mood, that's all."  
"-Okay. Great. That's great, Mark. Is Nicky okay as well?"  
"-Absolutely. He is a bit...you know...tired."  
"-Okay..."

Shane could see a peculiar spark in Mark's eyes. As if Mark was hiding something. Something very funny and inappropriate. But he just couldn't figure out what it was.

"-Okay, so... You'll take care of him, right?" Shane said.  
"-Of course. Don't worry about him, he'll be his own self in the morning."  
"-Okay. Why is he so tired? He is not ill, is he?"  
"-He is not. You don't have to worry. He is totally fine, I promise you."

* * *

The plan had been to go to the pub afterwards, all four of them. But Shane and Kian had said they were tired and needed to go home to Sligo.

Mark and Nicky decided to go to the pub, but made a quick stop at home first. 

"-So, tell me. Was it easier being me?" Nicky asked.  
"-No. I'm sorry. Shouldn't have said that yesterday. I thought it was gonna be much easier and that I would have this huge confidence. But inside, I'm still the same, you know."  
"-I know. I like being you, though. It's nice to be tall. Get a better view of everything." Nicky said. "-And it's a blast having a voice like this. God damn it."  
"-You seemed to have fun. Kian asked me if you were on drugs."  
"-Hahaha, NO WAY!"  
"-Yes. You acted like a lunatic. I hope it wasn't that obvious to the audience."  
"-I didn't act like a lunatic, I was just being me!"  
"-But you weren't you, you were me and you made me look like a mad person!"  
"-I didn't!"  
"-You did. And now it's payback time. I'm gonna eat a whole jar of Nutella. In your body."  
"-YOU WOULDN'T!"  
"-I would and I will."

Nicky watched as Mark, in Nicky’s body, went over to the fridge and fetched the Nutella jar and a teaspoon. He unscrewed the lid and ate the first spoon full.

"-Oh god, this is good. Your body craved for this, Nicky. You need to gain a few pounds. This will do the trick!"

Nicky stared at him in disbelief. Then he went to the bathroom to get a razor. 

"-Alright. Listen. If you don't stop eating that, I will shave all your hair off. Make you look like E.T. again."  
"-Go on. Do it. I liked my shaved head. It might have looked awful, but it was so handy."

Nicky put the razor to his own head, he really really didn't want to shave Mark's lovely thick dark hair off. He fucking loved that hair. Loved to run his fingers through it. Loved to smell it when they were lying in bed. 

"-Oh fuck, I can't. I'll shave you down there instead." he said and disappeared into the bathroom.  
"-Oh no you don't!" Mark yelled.

He put the lid back onto the Nutella jar and shouted:

"-Stop it! I've stopped eating, okay! Don't shave me down there, it's gonna itch like hell when it grows back!"

Nicky came back out, giggling.

“-And I did NOT look like E.T. with a shaved head!” Mark said.  
“-You did, though. All big eyes.”  
“-You looked like a baby when you shaved your head.”  
“-Yeah, but a baby is better than E.T.”

* * *

"-Did you sing "brie" instead of "dream"?" Nicky asked when they were sitting in the pub having a pint.  
"-Yes. Sorry. I am REALLY sorry. I sang "How do I sing, do I say goodbye. We both have our brie, we both want to fly." It's your Dublin accent that confuses me. When you sing "say" it sounds like "see" or "sing".   
"-It doesn't!"  
"-It does.”  
“-How do you explain the “brie”, then?”  
“-I don’t. I am sorry. You know I don't pay attention if I don't have to. You know every fucking word of every fucking song, but I only know the words to my own verses. I know it's arrogant. I am sorry."

Nicky giggled.

"-We both have our brie. That is fucking brilliant." he said. “-By the way, did you see Kian’s last tattoo?”  
“-Yeah, he showed it to me a few days ago. I just…I don’t know. To have something permanently etched onto your skin like that… Not my thing. But it suited him.” Mark said.  
“-Yeah, you heard the background story, right?”  
“-Yeah, some surfer thing.”  
“-Yeah. I guess it’s essential when you get a tattoo, that it is something you know you’re not gonna grow tired of. Kian is never gonna grow tired of surfing, you know.”  
“-Exactly.”  
“-It would be a bit romantic though to have your boyfriends name tattooed, don’t you think?”

Mark looked at Nicky in disbelief. He shook his head and said:

“-No, Nicky. That is not romantic. It is…trashy.”  
“-It’s not!”  
“-It is. Your lower back tribal is also a bit trashy.”  
“-Oh my God! It’s NOT! It’s trendy as hell!”  
“-Now, yes. In a year, maybe not so much.”

Nicky giggled and shook his head.

“-You really need a tattoo, Mark. Maybe I should just get you one now when I can. I will never have a chance like this ever again.”  
“-You wouldn’t dare, because I would fuck you to pieces if you did.”  
“Oh… You would…? Now I will definitely get one.” he joked.

They'd had quite a lot to drink by now and Nicky had decided to sing a bit of karaoke now when he had this fantastic voice. Mark wasn't happy about it, but had let him.

As the rumor about Westlife singing karaoke spread, the pub got more and more crowded and soon Nicky and Mark moved on. Mark said he was hungry again. Nicky was not pleased at all. They stopped for a hamburger to go. Mark ate it as they strolled along the streets in search for the next pub.

"-Look, you're gonna gain me like 4 pounds if you continue eating like this. You need to think of my appearance!"  
"-Nicky, you're getting too skinny, you need to gain a few pounds, I'm just helping out!" Mark said, throwing the empty hamburger wrapping in a bin and taking out a cigarette.  
"-You're NOT smoking that cigarette, do you hear me?" Nicky said.  
"-I am. I need it."  
"-But that's absurd! You don't get to decide that! I’m the one getting lung cancer!"  
"-You won't after one cigarette."  
"-But still. You can't. I forbid you."  
"-No you don't."

They’d stopped outside a pub and Mark lit the cigarette and started to smoke.

"-Alright. That's it! Revenge!" Nicky said and marched off, disappearing into an alley. Mark remained outside the pub finishing his smoke. When he was done, Nicky was still nowhere to be seen. Mark sent him a text.

"Where are you?"

The answer came quite quickly.

"Having my vengeance. Where are you?"  
"Still at the pub"  
"Coming soon"

When Nicky walked in, he looked utterly content.

"-Hey. Where have you been?" Mark asked.  
"-Just, you know, doing things that I can only do when I'm you."  
"-What things?"  
"-You know. Things. You'll notice, eventually."

Mark looked at him with skepticism.

“-You’re not gonna tell me what your vengeance was?”  
“-Nah, you will find out, eventually. No rush.”

Mark shook his head and emptied his drink.

* * * 

When they eventually got back home they were totally exhausted, but happy.

"-Is there anything more you want to do before we go to sleep? Anything more you want to do while still being me?" Mark said.  
"-Well, you know. Obviously, I was thinking about sex, because it would be weird not to. You know." Nicky said.  
"-Yeah. But that's like... I can't have sex with myself, like."  
"-I know. I could totally fuck myself though, no problem at all. I am very fuckable."  
"-You are."  
"-What if we turn the lights off, will that make any difference for you?"  
"-I don't think so..."  
"-Okay. I'm not gonna force you."

* * * 

Nicky woke up before Mark as usual. He was relieved to see Mark with his dark tousled hair and dark stubble beside him. He had dreamt such a weird and vivid dream about swapping body with Mark and was glad to wake up.

Mark was so fucking beautiful when he was sleeping. Those perfect eyebrows all relaxed. Those delicious rich lips slightly parted. Cheeks a bit flushed.

He reached out a hand to touch Mark. That's when he saw it. His own nails were bitten off. Completely. There were only short rough stumps left. His heart began to beat faster. He didn't bite his nails. But Mark did. Fucking hell. What if…

Mark woke up and Nicky could hear him mumble:

"-I need to take a slash."

Mark sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes before standing up. As the duvet unveiled from his body, Nicky could see it clearly: Permanently tattooed in blue ink, there was a small "N" inside a heart on Mark's bum. Only visible at very close range, but still very much there.

Nicky sank back into bed, slightly dazed.


End file.
